- Me: *out for dinner with my dad because we were too lazy to cook*
- Random Old Lady: *comes up out of no where with the most judgmental look ever* (will also be refereed to as 'ROL')
- ROL: Isn't he a little old for you?
- Me: Well, considering he's my Dad, I'd say that your a judgmental hag.
- Dad: *chokes into his drink*
- ROL: You should respect your elders.
- Me: You should respect your youth, we're the ones who'll decide on whether or not to pull your cord in like, what? Five weeks?
- Dad: *chokes on his drink again*
- ROL: *storms off*
- Dad: *looks at me with a disapproving look*
- Me: What?
- Dad: Come on, you and I both know it will be three weeks.
♫ it’s going down, i’m yelling Simba ♫
IT’S BEEN 20 YEARS
WHAT DO YOU MEAN ITS BEEN 20 YEARS
oh my god
sail boats are the easiest thing to steal ever because they don’t have a key because there is no engine. all you need is a sound knowledge of the wind and a yearning to conquer the seas
If there’s a “heavens no” and a “hell yes” why isn’t there a “purgatory maybe”
a) how will you cut your nails
b) how will you remove it
c) Why would you do this